If your child wants to read something themselves, there is a guide written for students: What to Do If You Are Being Bullied. Parents in the Philippines can read the Philippine version instead.

If you have just found out (or you suspect) that your child is being bullied, it is normal to feel furious and helpless at the same time. This guide covers what to look for, how to ask about it, how to get the school to act, and what helps at home while that happens.

Bullying is common in American schools. In the CDC's national survey of high school students, about one in five said they had been bullied at school in the past year, and more than one in six had been bullied online. There is no federal law against bullying as such, but every state has a law, a policy, or both, and most of them require school districts to have a written bullying policy that spells out how reports are handled. That policy is the most useful thing you have when you ask a school to act, and this guide shows you how to use it.

Signs to watch for

Many children never say it out loud. Some are embarrassed, some think telling will make it worse, and some do not want to worry you. Parents usually notice it in other ways first:

One sign on its own proves very little, because every kid has bad weeks. Several signs together, or one that lasts more than a couple of weeks, is your cue to ask.

How to ask about it

Choose a calm moment, not the minute they get home. Conversations in the car, on a walk, or while you cook together tend to go better than sitting across a table, because they feel less like an interview. Open with something easy to answer:

If they do tell you, the way you react in the first minute decides how much they tell you next time. Keep your voice calm and believe them. Then ask for the details: what happened, who was involved, where, and how long it has been going on. You could say something like this:

"Thank you for telling me. This is not your fault, and you are not in trouble. We will figure it out together, and I will talk to you before I contact anyone at school."

That last part matters. A lot of kids keep bullying to themselves because they are afraid a parent will storm into the school and make it worse. Keep the promise to tell them before you act. Don't promise to keep it a secret, though, because you may need to report it.

What to avoid

Some very natural reactions tend to backfire.

Advice to hit back. Plenty of parents grew up hearing it. But school discipline rules often punish both kids in a fight, and the bullying tends to escalate rather than stop.

Contacting the other child or their parents yourself. Even when it feels justified, it can make your child a bigger target, and it turns a school safety problem into a dispute between two families. Put that energy into pushing the school to act.

Questions about their part in it. Even a gentle "Did you do anything to set them off?" can land as blame on a child that is already ashamed. If there is a two-sided conflict to sort out, it can wait until your child feels safe.

Taking the phone. If the bullying is happening online, cutting off the phone feels like punishment for being the target, and it teaches your child to stop telling you what happens online.

How to report it to the school

These steps make it much more likely that your report leads somewhere.

Start a log. For each incident you know of, note the date, the place, what happened, who was involved, and any witnesses. Screenshot posts and messages with the account names and dates showing.

Get the district's bullying policy. It is usually in the student handbook or on the district's website, and the school office can give you a copy if you cannot find it. It tells you who handles reports, how the school investigates them and how quickly, and how to appeal a decision.

Report it in writing. You can talk to the teacher or the school counselor first, but also send a short email to the principal, so there is a dated record. Keep a copy. For example:

"I am writing to report that my child, [name], in [grade and teacher], is being bullied. Since [date], [name, if known] has [brief description of the incidents]. I am making this report under the district's bullying policy. Please confirm who is investigating, what the timeline is, and what the school will do to keep my child safe while that happens."

Ask for a safety plan. While the school looks into it, ask what it will do to protect your child. That might mean changing seats or schedules, more supervision in the places it happens (hallways, the cafeteria, the bus), and a named adult your child can go to at any time.

Follow up in writing. If you hear nothing after a few school days, send a polite follow-up that refers back to your first email.

Expect some limits on what you are told. Schools usually will not tell you how the other student was disciplined, because student records are private. You can still ask what the school is doing to stop it, and whether it has stopped.

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If the school does not act

Schools vary a lot in how well they handle bullying. If your report goes nowhere, these are the next steps:

If it is happening online

Most school bullying policies cover cyberbullying, and schools can often act on it when it involves their students, even if the messages were sent at night or on a weekend. Save screenshots that show usernames and dates, report and block the accounts on the platform, and include copies with your report to the school.

If anyone threatens your child, or shares (or threatens to share) a sexual image of them, report it to the police as well as the school. For images taken when your child was under 18, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children runs a free service called Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org), which helps get them removed from participating sites without anyone having to upload the image itself.

Helping your child at home

Make it easier to have one good friend. Children with at least one close friend are better protected from bullying (a well-known study on this was titled "The Power of Friendship"). You cannot pick friends for your child, but you can give them more chances to make one. Say yes when they want someone over, get them to one club, team, or activity that meets every week, and invite a classmate along to something fun. Our guide on helping your teen make friends goes into more detail.

Rehearse the moment. Kids that freeze do better with one short line ready ("Knock it off") and a plan for where to walk next, such as toward a teacher or a group of friends. Role-play it a few times at home, with you playing the other kid, so the words come out when they need them.

Keep the rest of life going. Time with family, with friends outside school, and on the things your child is good at matters more while school feels bad.

Watch their mood. If your child seems hopeless, stops eating or sleeping normally, or says anything about not wanting to be alive, get help that day. Talk to their doctor or the school counselor, or call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which you can also reach by chat at 988lifeline.org.

Our guide for students walks through the same situation from your child's side, including what to say in the moment and how to report it. Some kids find it easier to read on their own first, and others like reading it together.