My Child Is Bullying Others: What to Do Next

If your child is willing to read something themselves, there is a separate guide written for them: Am I a Bully?

Finding out that your child has been bullying other children is hard to hear. Most parents' first reaction is disbelief or the urge to defend their child, and both are normal. What you do over the next few weeks matters a great deal, for the child being hurt and for your own child.

It also helps to know what the school is likely to do. In public schools, DepEd's 2026 order on safe schools (DepEd Order No. 006, s. 2026) sets out penalties by level. Minor cases get a written reprimand, a notice to parents, and guidance counseling. Repeated bullying or online harassment can mean suspension of up to five days and a referral to the DSWD, and a second serious offense can mean your child is not readmitted the following school year. Those consequences are real, and the best way to avoid them is for the behavior to stop early.

Stay calm and get the facts

When the school contacts you, listen first. Ask what happened, how many times, over what period, who saw it, and what the school plans to do next. Write it down. Then talk to your child calmly, and ask them to tell you what happened in their own words.

Expect to hear "It was just a joke" or "They started it." Take those seriously, and keep asking for specifics. A joke that the other child does not laugh at, repeated day after day, is bullying, and other kids joining in does not make it smaller.

If you can, decide on any consequence the next day, once you are calm, rather than in the first heated minutes.

Why children bully

There is rarely a single reason, and the reason tells you where to start. These are some of the common ones:

• They want status in a group, and making fun of someone gets laughs.
• Their barkada is already doing it, and going along feels safer than saying no.
• They are angry or stressed about something else, and it comes out on someone that cannot hit back.
• They have been bullied themselves, at school or at home.
• They are copying the way people with more power treat people with less, at home, at school, or online.

The part that starts at home

Children learn a lot about how to treat people with less power from the way they are treated themselves, and the research on physical discipline is consistent about where that leads. A 2016 analysis of five decades of research on spanking found that it was linked to more aggression and more antisocial behavior in children, and that it did not make them behave better, either in the moment or later (Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor, 2016). A 2022 review of the research on harsh physical discipline reached the same conclusion across age groups and across cultures. One likely reason is simple. A child that is hit learns that hurting someone smaller is a way to get what you want, and some children use that lesson at school.

Physical discipline is common in Filipino homes. A national study by the Council for the Welfare of Children and UNICEF found that the most common form of violence against children at home was physical punishment by parents and siblings. If hitting has been part of how your family handles discipline, you are far from alone, and changing it is one of the most direct things you can do to help your child stop bullying.

These tend to work better:

• Calm, predictable consequences that fit what happened, such as losing phone time after bullying someone online.
• Repairing the harm, through an apology, replacing something that was damaged, or doing something for the person they hurt.
• Noticing and praising the behavior you want to see, such as patience with a younger sibling or walking away from a fight.
• Regular time together that has nothing to do with discipline, because children work harder to keep a relationship they value.

Research has also linked children seeing violence between adults at home with more bullying at school. If you want support with any of this, the guidance counselor at your child's school is a good place to start, and your city or municipal social welfare office can tell you about parenting sessions in your area.

What to do with your child

Say clearly that it has to stop. Keep it short and calm: "What happened to [name] is bullying, and it stops now. I love you, and I am not going to let you treat people this way."

Help them see it from the other side. Ask questions instead of lecturing: "How do you think she felt when everyone laughed?" or "What would you want someone to do if this were happening to your little brother?" Questions make them do the thinking, and many children that bully have simply never looked at it from the other person's side.

Help them make it right. A sincere apology helps if the other child and their family want one (the school can help arrange it), along with a change in behavior that the other child can actually see. Help your child prepare what they will say. A real apology names what they did and says it will stop, without excuses.

Set a consequence connected to the harm. If it happened online, limit or supervise the phone for a while. If it happened with a particular group, limit time with that group. Explain the reason, and explain what they need to do to earn the privilege back.

Teach what to do instead. A lot of bullying comes from a child that wants to be liked or wants to feel strong and does not know a better way to get there. Help them practice the skills that get them those things without hurting anyone, such as starting conversations, being funny without a target, and walking away when they are angry and coming back once they have calmed down.

Work with the school. Go to the meetings, follow the intervention plan, and ask the guidance counselor what support they can offer. Ask the adviser to tell you early if anything happens again, so a small problem does not turn into a serious offense.

Keep an eye on their phone and accounts for a while. Online bullying is easy to hide. Tell your child you will be checking, and why.

When to get more help

If the aggression is frequent, getting worse, involves weapons or serious injury, or shows up at home as well as at school, ask the guidance counselor or your child's doctor about a referral to a psychologist. Some children need more help than a parent and a school can give, and getting it early is much easier than waiting.

If your child is willing to read something themselves, our guide Am I a Bully? covers the same ground from their side, including how to stop when friends start and how to apologize.